That Just Happened
So… congratulations!!! You’ve just given birth! Wow, can you believe it? One moment the baby is inside, and the next
she’s out breathing on her own and in your arms. Finally, after so many months, you get to see
each other, touch each other and begin to get to know each other as you
actually are. You’ve been dreaming of
this mystery person for months, and I think, in her own way, she’s being
dreaming of you, too.
Whether it’s your first, second or fifth
delivery, giving birth is pretty astonishing, and now that it’s over you can...
um... well... take a chair because you have nine months of baby-baking to
unwind. It took approximately 40 weeks
to get to this miracle and it’s going to take 40 (or more) to come down from it
and find a new you.
Your doctor may tell you you can resume
all normal activities six weeks after delivery (mostly meaning exercise,
lifting things and sex). However, over
the last couple decades this boilerplate advice has mushroomed into a myth
about modern motherhood that goes a little something like this… (Ahem), “A new
mom can resume all ‘normal activity’ within six weeks, presumably including
(but not limited to) returning to work, exercise, friendships, cute clothes,
party-throwing, coherent conversation, being pleasant and, of course, not just having sex but enjoying it.” Ha! My oldest is eight, and I’m still waiting to resume my “normal
activities.” Any day now.
Maybe this myth been packaged
differently for you, but you’ve likely heard or read something similar to the
above. It’s pervasive, persistent, and
just plain stupid. I mean, really… name
any other life-altering adjustment after which a person is expected to just
resume “normal activities.” Does anyone
ever say to a 20-year-old woman, “Phew!
Well, now that adolescence is over, you can get back to playing with
your Barbie dolls. After all, the whole
‘transition to adulthood’ thing was just a phase, right?”
You can’t “go back” to anything. Like trying to return to a childhood hideout
after years of absence, when we try to stuff ourselves back into molds we’ve
outgrown, we often find that, though we recognize everything, it doesn’t fit or
feel the same. You may or may not have
spent time before birth–or before pregnancy–thinking about the pre-baby
you–acknowledging the impending change, processing and letting go, but you’re
not alone. How can any of us ever truly
understand or prepare for the bright line of Life Before Baby and Life After
Baby?
You need to know your partner likely
won’t experience the “Before Baby/After Baby” life change the same way you do. Your husband’s/partner’s life does change,
certainly, but not like yours. His life
changes because you change, but it’s much different for him. Is it fair? Well, we know life’s not fair, but that’s not
really what it’s about, is it? It’s
about discovering the best that each of us can be. If we only strive to be “even” with everyone
else, we really shortchange ourselves.
So, now here you are, and it’s
amazing. You've given birth to a new
life for a baby, a family and a new life for you, too. You are a mother
now, and, as is true with every major life transition, you are taking in and
letting go. It’s okay to feel happy and
sad about those changes, even at the same time.
No new life stage is all ecstatic exuberance. No matter what you see on Facebook.
